3 Phrases To Use When Arguing with Your Spouse

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Three Phrases you need to work into your vocabulary when arguing with your spouse

arguing with spouse
Communication is a huge piece of our marriages. Let alone our lives. Sometimes it’s difficult to take responsibility when communication breaks down. But I have heard it said that the most spiritually mature person, is the one who leans in to reconcile first. Here are 3 phrases to help you in your reconciliation with your spouse: (Quick note: these phrases are not to be used sarcastically – that could be detrimental!)

I could be wrong…

Pride wants to keep us from admitting when we have messed up. Even IF we AREN’T wrong, and we KNOW we aren’t wrong, this phrase can be useful to help begin building toward a better outcome in our conversations.

I’m Sorry…

Usually this is a good one to tack on to a SPECIFIC thing that you are sorry for (‘I am sorry that I forgot to deposit the check before the withdrawal came out’ – can you tell I’ve used this one?). Don’t use this one to manipulate your spouse (‘I’m sorry that you can’t get over it’). That’s not an apology, that’s guilting them into feeling a certain way. Your ‘sorry’ has to be honest and heartfelt, and it has to be in regards to the thing that you have done to cause harm.

Let me make sure I understood you…

Sometimes you can miss what was said completely. Maybe you weren’t paying attention, or something your spouse said didn’t make sense. This is a good phrase to use when you are trying to use the Mirroring technique to show that you are authentically trying to understand your spouse. What phrase would you like to introduce into your marriage? Leave us a comment, we’d love to hear from you.

About Stu Gray

Stu is Husband to Lisa and a Dad to the coolest kiddo around. He's a book lover, writer, Batman Fan, and a speaker into microphones and rooms full of people. Get Marriage encouragement in your email when you subscribe to Stupendous Marriage updates!

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  1. “Help me understand…”

    “How can I help you?”

    “We will get through this.”

    True Apologies:
    “I am sorry for…”
    “I was wrong.”
    “There is no excuse that I will give.”
    “Please forgive me for…”
    “How can I make it up to you?”

  2. My husband and I have both been involved in emotional healing ministries for the past few years. He is a pastor and I write about marriage; we lead marriage retreats together as well as group experiences for emotional healing.

    It has been a personal journey for us and a journey for our own marriage. As we have made changes, my husband has often said to me, “My heart toward you is good. I’m sorry about …., but I want you to know that my heart toward you is good. My heart toward you has always been good.” It is very softening for me to hear those words because I know they are true.

  3. I would add in:

    “What can I do differently next time?” and take notes so I can change my actions.

    “I love you” ending with this phrase is very important for both parties.

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