Communication is a huge piece of our marriages. Let alone our lives.
Sometimes it’s difficult to take responsibility when communication breaks down. But I have heard it said that the most spiritually mature person, is the one who leans in to reconcile first.
Here are 3 phrases to help you in your reconciliation with your spouse:
(Quick note: these phrases are not to be used sarcastically – that could be detrimental!)
I could be wrong…
Pride wants to keep us from admitting when we have messed up. Even IF we AREN’T wrong, and we KNOW we aren’t wrong, this phrase can be useful to help begin building toward a better outcome in our conversations.
I’m Sorry…
Usually this is a good one to tack on to a SPECIFIC thing that you are sorry for (‘I am sorry that I forgot to deposit the check before the withdrawal came out’ – can you tell I’ve used this one?). Don’t use this one to manipulate your spouse (‘I’m sorry that you can’t get over it’). That’s not an apology, that’s guilting them into feeling a certain way. Your ‘sorry’ has to be honest and heartfelt, and it has to be in regards to the thing that you have done to cause harm.
Let me make sure I understood you…
Sometimes you can miss what was said completely. Maybe you weren’t paying attention, or something your spouse said didn’t make sense. This is a good phrase to use when you are trying to use the Mirroring technique to show that you are authentically trying to understand your spouse.
What phrase would you like to introduce into your marriage? Leave us a comment, we’d love to hear from you.
Stu & Lisa have been married 8 years (together 11) and have a heart to encourage couples in their marriages. They live in Middle Tennessee, have an awesome 6 year old, and a mutt named 'Boo'.
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I would love for my hubby to learn the phrase: “You are so right.” (Just kidding.)
Actually, I would love for “Let’s try to find a win-win” to get in there. Sometimes, we just see disagreements as your way or my way (or the highway). But we can often come up with a third alternative that works for both of us.
Great phrases, Stu! Love ‘em.
How about, “I know this is a hard subject and charged with emotion, but I really want to work through this with you and understand your point of view, and then maybe I’ll be able to explain my own viewpoint better.”
That’s good stuff Mark. Understanding before trying to be understood!
Actually, now that she mentions it, I have to agree with J’s phrase suggestion. Or at least a version of it.
I’m pretty stubborn, but am getting better about admitting when I was wrong. Whenever I realize it, I try to acknowledge that my wife was right – out loud, to her.
I found the one that works best for me is, “i could be wrong.” However, I’ve got to admit, the words would get lodged in my throat the first few times! … but it did get easier, and i actually believe them now!
I really like these 3 phrases because they will almost always lead to a discussion(even an argument) going in a more positive direction. Being able to use them during a disagreement should stop any brewing tension and anger in its tracks.
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