Quick thought for Sunday:
It’s always fun to look at some of the ways people get to our site. What we have learned is that we get lots of visits from people who are looking for ways to initiate sex with their spouses. Some of the phrases people use are really interesting like “I am uncomfortable initiating sex with my wife“, “how to initiate sex with husband“, “how to get your husbands attention sexually“, “why dont wives initiate sex?” Just to point out a few.
Today, I wanted to offer 3 Quick Tips for folks who need help initiating sex with their spouse. (More great thoughts on sexual intimacy for married couples are coming soon – so sign up to get updates from Stupendous Marriage)
1. Use Signals To Alert Your Spouse You Are In The Mood.
Sometimes there is a stigma – or pressure with who starts what, when. So, use a signal. A code word, a candle lit on the table , a familiar love song, a certain piece of clothing, a favorite meal, a certain dessert, a rose in a vase displayed on the table. You decide what the signal is, and what it means.
2. Be Direct.
Instead of hemming and hawing, say, “I would like to be intimate with you, when can we connect to make that happen?” Or just show up naked.
3. Take Turns.
If you find that one of you initiates more often than the other, balance it out by taking turns. Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo suggest you break the week up 3/3/1 . You have 3 days to initiate sex and so does your spouse (and one day off). At least once during your 3 days, step up and make something happen in the intimacy department. Their book deals with all types of intimacy. (aff link)
What makes initiating sex with your spouse difficult?
Leave us a comment below and let us know! (Yes, you can do it anonymously if you want!)
Stu & Lisa have been married 8 years (together 11) and have a heart to encourage couples in their marriages. They live in Middle Tennessee, have an awesome 6 year old, and a mutt named 'Boo'.
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I get spiffied up in the bathroom, then come to bed nude. does the trick almost everytime.
I read the DiLorenzo’s tip back in the spring, and asked my wife if she thought we could give it a try. It took a while to get into the swing of it, but we went from being intimate an average of three times a month before, to averaging about 8 times a month now, with me feeling FAR less rejected. The whole “spontaneity” thing just never worked out for us, I’m glad we’ve finally found a way to work this out!
I would like to find the reference for DiLorenzo’s tip that Richard mentioned in his reply. Can someone help me with a link to it? Thanks.
Hey Bert – the link in the post above will take you to their book!
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