a guest post from Jason Touchatt
Often when I begin counseling sessions with people in my marriage ministry, I begin with the basic roles God lays out for us in the books of Ephesians and 1Peter. I believe wholeheartedly that if you can get these on straight, you have a strong basis from which to work in order to grow your relationship in a God glorifying manner. For today’s post we will begin with some practical teachings for husbands.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30for we are members of his body. - Ephesians 5: 25-30Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. - 1 Peter 3:7
The bible says that as husbands, we must be considerate of our wives and love them as Christ loved the church. These verses show that married love is not all about attraction, but about deep, heart-felt love, love that is intimate and sacred. It calls us to have a love that is holy and set apart from the world’s definition.
As husbands, we must be willing to die to ourselves for our wives and put their needs above and beyond our own. This is contrary to our sinful nature which is unloving and rooted in selfishness. We have to fight to be righteous and not be more concerned about our time, our projects, our looks, or even our sexual needs.
The loving husband cares in feeling and in deed for his spouse. He can answer the question “How is your wife doing?” with a deeper answer than “Fine.” He knows what she is feeling and he knows where she is emotionally. He cares for his spouse as God does.
The loving husband gives his time, his effort, and his heart to meet his wives’ needs.
Here are seven practical points for husbands to become more loving to their wives:
- Maintain a close relationship with God. When you are close to God and desire to please Him, you will love your wife deeply.
- Pray alone and WITH YOUR SPOUSE! – Pouring out your heart to God will allow you to do the same for your wife. When you pray together, you will get insight into her heart.
- Lay down your life for her. Jesus died for his bride. Will you die to yourself for yours? Sacrifice to meet her needs, put hers above your own. Figure out what you can do to make her life easier and then do it. From doing her chores, to giving her massages; go the extra mile for her.
- Focus on the good in your wife, take time to admire her. Pursue her. Remember the reasons you fell in love with her in the first place. Part of loving her perfectly, is loving her romantically.
- Make your wife second only to God. God is first, but then your wife is number two. Put her above football, above the kids, above your projects, and above your job. Give her the priority she deserves.
- Seek advice and wisdom. There is a wealth of wisdom among other Christians on how to be a better husband. Talk to older married couples. Find out what encourages other married women and try some of them out of your spouse. Make it your goal to find new ways to inspire your spouse spiritually and emotionally.
- Deal with your emotions. Stuffing them or parading around angry won’t help you love your wife. Deal with them, get in touch, and share them with a close friend who can help you and then share them with your wife. This will bond you as never before.
Try these things and enjoy the role God has called you to and watch your marriage grow!
See tips for the wife at the Marriage Matters blog!
Jason loves to write and hopes to publish a book in the near future. He loves God and his Kingdom and writes to glorify Him! Jason enjoys the wife of his dreams and two beautiful girls. He currently leads the marriage ministry at Columbia Church of Christ, Columbia, MO. and his blog is Marriage Matters.
Stu & Lisa have been married 8 years (together 11) and have a heart to encourage couples in their marriages. They live in Middle Tennessee, have an awesome 6 year old, and a mutt named 'Boo'.
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Jason – an excellent post! Tom and I just returned from a week away, and I was able to commend Tom on the points you list here. I had a moment where I realized that one of the main reasons I love God the way I do is because Tom has represented Him so well to me. God’s love is very real to me, and I believe it is because of the amazing job my husband does in loving and caring for me. Thank you for sharing these points. We’ll be posting them on our Husbands Only page. Blessings,
Debi
Thanks so much for your comments! That is very cool to hear that your husband is doing well in those points! It encourages my soul to hear about married couples who are applying biblical principles to their marriages and are enjoying the fruits of the application. Thank you for posting my points on your site also!
“Pray alone and with your spouse.” I haven’t seen this with my parents. How sweet and romantic if they are always happy and contented with their love to each other. Nice tips by the way.
Thanks for the comments Ann!
#2 on this list is the one that we sometimes get questioning looks about… I’m always surprised when I hear of couples who don’t pray together!
It starts out weird, but it really gets easier the more you do it together. Now its something Lisa and I try to do nightly to reconnect with each other and with God!
Great Post Jason, Thanks for sharing your heart!
Thanks Stu! It is awkward at first, but I have found that it is one of the most powerful things a couple can do together. It can be difficult to maintain, but the spiritual gains that come from having that time together are tremendous. Even if it happens to only be a 5-10 minute prayer, it is a great way to bond spiritually!
I love being reminded of these things as it gives me more things to be grateful for in my husband! It also gives me practical things to encourage him in as our marriage continues to grow!
Thanks Melissa! I am glad to find these gave you much encouragement!
When my husband seeks input from others it helps me to feel secure and know that he is seeking Gods will. He has grown in this and it has helped to build up my trust in him.
Great point Kim! It is easy to get independent in our marriages in the sense that we think we have to do it all on our own and that we should just naturally know how to be married. Considering many of us come from broken homes or at least homes with dysfunctional marriages in them, it would stand to reason that we would need input from others on how to have a solid, Godly marriage.
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