Archives For The Stupendous Marriage Blog

Hey Friends – thanks for your patience these past couple weeks. I (Stu) am back from Indonesia, but have been focusing on my work with Compassion to help get 2000 kids sponsored in that country.

If you have a heart to help deliver a child from poverty – or have a heart for adoption, but not the means, this might be a neat opportunity for you.

Sponsoring a child is a little more than a dollar a day (about $38 a month). You can choose a sweet kiddo in Indonesia here.

We’ll be back with a new Stupendous Marriage Show very soon!

Don’t let pride keep you from enjoying this holiday season. If you and your husband are experiencing contention in your marriage find a way to make peace! Unveiled Wife

Quote from Jennifer Smith – @UnveiledWife

Over the past weeks, we have been honored to be featured on several great marriage blogs – take a second to check out our post at One Flesh Marriage and HappilyMarriedAfter!

Our One Flesh Marriage article was focused on answering one question: If there was only one thing from the story of your marriage that you could share, what would it be?

My response started here: Let’s start from the beginning. While my wife Lisa and I were dating, she discovered that I had a problem with looking at pornography. It became the ‘elephant in the room’ in our relationship… we both knew it was there, but rarely talked about it. After we were married, I knew that something had to change, but didn’t know where to start… continue reading

On HappilyMarriedAfter, we were honored to be part of “Sex” Month! David asked me to talk a bit about pornography addiction and marriage.

I wanted to be a better man, a better husband and father. I didn’t want to be someone who caused hurt, pain and resentment with my decisions to look at pornography (I could cause those feelings in other ways, and I didn’t need viewing porn to fan those flames).

I also wanted to be the man who stood up for God and made a difference in the life of my son. I wanted to break the generational disintegration that seemed to be happening in the men in my family. ..continue reading

Check these out if pornography is an issue in your marriage!

 

Just caught this infographic from Mars Hill Church. While it’s not an easy or fun topic to talk about, pornography is something that needs to be addressed for lots of married couples.

Read more at Mars Hill’s Website

Fasting as a tool to help your marriage. Taking the time to lay something down and Ask God what he wants to do in your relationship can be a good thing.

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If you are overwhelmed by Marriage advice, perhaps you should take a time out and reflect on what you have learned. Then ACT on it.

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I was having lunch with my friend Brian recently, and he was telling me of a challenge that he was taking part in. I wanted to pass it along to you, because I think its a great idea…and one you may have heard, but never done.

The Love Buck Experiment

The story my friend told me is about his buddy Jason who wanted more accountability in the sexual arena with his wife. So he made it a tangible thing. Every time they are intimate – they drop a buck in the Mason Jar. At the end of the year, they go do something together. If they have 10 bucks, they eat at McDonalds. If they have 50, they go somewhere nicer.

Easy premise, and also a great visual reminder for those who like to see progress. I think that’s why I like the challenge myself. I can get into ‘crummy’ thinking and start feeling “Woe is me” because the physical intimacy hasn’t happened on my schedule, to the level I believe it should happen. If I see a visible reminder – I can look at it and say – Hey – we actually HAVE been intimate quite a bit – stop with the stinkin thinkin!’

Variations On a Theme

Jason mentions in his post that one couple is dropping in wine corks – each representing a dollar – and at the end of the year, they’ll count the corks, and buy a nice bottle of wine to share. My buddy Brian shared that they purchased a nice Vase and drop a marble or bead in it to represent their times together. This way, they get a cool decoration that only they truly know what it means (well, now WE know what it means too, but I don’t think you’re going to be visiting their house anytime soon)

So what do you think about the Love Buck Experiment – would it be something that you would try?

…Fruit of the spirit that is.

I am sure that adding physical fruit to your sex life would be fun, but that’s a post for another day!

Galatians 5:22-23 says this: But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!

So Lets see what those might look like:

Love. This one should be present from the start. And as your marriage matures, love deepens and becomes more rich and enjoyable, expressed in many ways, from the physical to the mental and everything between. Try loving with actions. With words. With a look. With a gesture.

Joy. What is real joy? I think we mistake entertainment many times with joy. Joy could mean celebrating the normal, the mundane in your life. Being content with where you are (not complacent), but appreciating the person you have married fully without expectation of perfection.

Peace.
A home without strife. A place where a husband and wife realize they are together, battling the issues of life, not each other. Its easier to be peaceful when you accomplish difficulties together.

Patience. I don’t do things like she does. She doesn’t do things like I do. Being ok with both of those, and being grace-full enough to allow differences.  Developing patience could mean Slowing down before responding. Breathing. Thinking things through.

Kindness. The tendency is to lose our kindness over time because we become complacent, or take one another for granted. We move so fast through life that we forget the small kind things we could do for our spouse. Start with kind words (Never belittling or saying a negative word about them to their face, or behind their back).

Gentleness. When I think gentle, I think grace. Being able to give grace, because I have been given grace. Lowering expectations. Gentle doesn’t mean weak, or passive. I believe there is strength and power in being gentle – not forceful.

Faithfulness. Faithful in all areas. Mind. Soul. Body. Thoughts. We have a high bar to try and meet, because our God is faithful. Jesus was faithful all the way to death. That’s what we should strive to be.

Self Control. Not being selfish. Not demanding my own way. ‘Holy Spirit love,’ as our friend Doyle says, ‘is outward focused, not self focused.’ That means the fruit of the spirit has to be present for my self control to happen. I can only control myself with the help of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit has to help my spouse control themselves, because I am NOT the Holy Spirit!

Any of these resonate with you?

 

photo by Martin Kimeldorf