a post from Lisa
We’ve all had rough days, the kids were fighting, dinner burned, the dog pooped on the clean kitchen floor, your boss came into work in a bad mood… and, as women, we tend to connect all the areas of our lives together so it is hard to switch gears from –”stressful day”, to — “intimacy in the bedroom”.
My tendency, when I have had one of those days has been to simply say “No, I’m tired” or “No, I’m not in the mood”.
What I recently found out, is that just saying ‘no’ to my husband has a huge negative effect on him.
What NO Means to Him
He interprets my “no” as me having complete control our sex life… since he tends to be in the mood more often, the amount of sex we have tends to rely on my state of mind and willingness — not his. When he is rip-roaring ready to go… I tend to slow down the process and say ‘Hold your horses, cowboy.’
Over time, this can really cause an issue in a marriage. A husband can grow bitter and distant because he feels like he has no control over how often you are having sex. He can also feel that you are saying ‘NO’ to him as a man. When a man isn’t getting this type of physical love (one of the most important ways that a husband can receive love), it can lead to being dissatisfied in his marriage. And sadly, over time, that will end up also making you dissatisfied as well.
Does that mean you should always say “yes”?
Yes, but not in the way you would normally think.
The Counter Offer
Here is my suggestion: Instead of saying “no”, how about making a counter offer… the fact is that if you love your husband, you probably enjoy being intimate with him (when you can clear your head and really enjoy it) so you may want to be intimate, just not tonight.
When you respond with a counter offer versus a “NO” response only, it can show him that you are interested in him, that being intimate is important to you too and that you are willing to make it a priority in the near future.
What do you think? Have you tried this before in your home? How did it work for you and your spouse? Please leave us a comment and let us know!
photo by Futurowoman