I’ll Try

a guest post from Debi Walter of The Romantic Vineyard

Two little words that mean more than first meets the eye.  I’ll try is a term we give when we aren’t sure we’ll be able to pull it off. I’ll try is what we say when invited somewhere with someone we would rather not spend time with, but don’t have a valid reason NOT to…yet.  Once another option comes up, we are quick to decline.  I’ll try can also be used when our spouse asks us to do something that is important to them, but not so much to us.

Why do we do this?

I can’t make broad generalizations here, for there are valid reasons and good ones too, as to why one would use this term.  Take for instance when someone asks you to do something you have never done before.  You are more than willing to do it, you’re just not sure if you can – like fixing something that is broken, or removing a splinter from a child’s finger.  I’ll try is actually a kind offer from someone willing to reach beyond their comfort zone or area of expertise and “give it the ol’ college try,” as they say.

But as husbands and wives we can habitually offer an I’ll try answer without noticing.  It could be we’re not really paying attention to hear the urgency of the request.  As partners who have committed our lives together in a covenant bond, we are bound to give more than an I’ll try answer.

Imagine a wedding where the Bride and Groom instead of confirming their wedding vows with an “I Do,” offer meekly an “I’ll Try!”  Not many marriages would last if trying is all they’re aiming for.  Anyone can try – the marriages who don’t simply try, but hold their vows even through the blazing fire of conflict will be welded together in the heat and become stronger as a result.  They are resolved to succeed, not merely t.r.y.

What is at the heart of an I’ll Try answer?

The root could be something more serious.  It could be a heart motivated by selfishness, an “I’ll do it only if I want to do it” attitude.  I can remember a time when we were first married where I was planning to do something for Tom he wasn’t expecting.  But then before I had a chance to do it – he went and asked me to do it!  Ugh!  Now it was no longer me doing it out of the goodness of my heart, but I felt obligated because he asked.  I found that I didn’t want to do it anymore.

What was motivating my desire to do it in the first place?  I wanted to look good and receive the credit for being a good wife.  I was operating out of self love and arrogant pride.  How do I know?  Because my attitude completely changed when Tom asked me to do it.  Now, after the fact, he wouldn’t see it as my idea, but simply doing something he asked me to do.

How immature on my part.  What a game I allowed myself to play.  It’s clear to me now as I recall this instance, but I’m sure didn’t see it then.   It doesn’t take long after the wedding to see these same issues rise up in most marriages.  We are all human, and worse – we are all sinners.  Until we see our tendency to serve self above others (including our spouse), we won’t change.  Until we see it as sin there is no hope for change.  The Good News is that Christ came to save sinners, and we are two sinners who happened to say “I Do,” not “I’ll Try.”

**

Debi Walter and her husband, Tom have been married for 32 years.  With their three children grown, they started The Romantic Vineyard in 2008.  It was here where they wanted to provide all the ideas their married friends were frequently asking them for – date night ideas, romantic helps, marriage resources, etc.   When it began to grow to a national level they were more surprised than anyone!  “It has been fun getting to know the other marriage bloggers with the same heart and focus as we have.  But most of all it’s been wonderful to see the healthy desire couples have to make their marriages not only strong for God’s glory, but also ones that will last a lifetime.”

Image: Pixomar

Tagged as: Guest Post