I was sitting enjoying a thai lunch (Pad Thai – which I had never had before—HOLY COW was I missing out!) when my friend and mentor Randy said, “It comes down to Lazy Communication.”
He went on—“I have done it, my wife has done it…but when we are lazy, its not good for either one of us.”
“We have to be specific – I have to state my desire – like, “Can we make an appointment later this evening?” (wink wink) Then she needs to give me a specific answer. Not just NO. Because NO is unacceptable. I mean we’re Christians, right? We aren’t supposed to stay separate from each other except by mutual agreement…and our bodies aren’t our own!”
There was more: “Yet, YES might not be enough either. I start thinking…Yes—WHEN?—now, later, tomorrow, next week? If we are unspecific and lazy in how we are communicating, it allows a part of my brain (the part that is broken) to take hold and then I spin out of control”.
“MAYBE is too vague – I wonder…Is she playing games with my mind?”
“No. We can’t be lazy in our communication. We have to work at it, and be specific – its the only way it works.”
“In our household, I do the bills. She expects me to do them, and when she asks me ‘When’re you going to have them done?’ – do you think I can say – ‘Oh sometime’. Hell no!”
I love my buddy Randy. He ‘s a straight shooter.
Stu & Lisa have been married 8 years (together 11) and have a heart to encourage couples in their marriages. They live in Middle Tennessee, have an awesome 6 year old, and a mutt named 'Boo'.
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Unfortunately, couples are often more polite and pleasant, and communicate more clearly with others … sometimes complete strangers… than they do with one another. I think this is partly due to taking our spouses for granted. Thanks for the reminder to communicate properly with my husband… after all he is the most special person in my life and my very best friend! He deserves better than my “lazy communication”!
Hey Carrie!
Thanks for the comment – I agree it goes both ways – we are often more polite (something I have written about before – http://wp.me/psXcj-aU!), and often more direct with others outside our marriages~!
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