Yesterday I mentioned that we celebrated ‘year 40′ of my parents marriage this past weekend. I want to give you a quick glimpse into the minds of two people who have stayed married 10 years shy of half a century, and who have greatly influenced who I am as a person.
What My Parents Have Learned From 40 Years of Marriage
As we were decorating for the renewal ceremony in the chapel, there were just a handful of minutes where I was able to talk with my Mom without family members around, or other things ‘to do’ on the agenda. I took advantage of the time, and asked Mom her thoughts on 40 years with Dad.
She looked down at the peach bow she was tying for a long second. “You have to marry your best friend. I mean – not to be crude – but, you can make love to anyone. But your best friend loves you when you are happy, and when you are sad. You want someone to love you when things are good, and when you are sick.”
“You have to be friends…you have to learn to trust. And that takes alot of work.”
Earlier that morning I sat with my Dad at breakfast. I asked him point blank: What have you learned in 40 years of marriage?
“I always get the last word… Yes Dear!” We laughed. “Thanks for being my straight man!”
I said – “I set ‘em up, you knock ‘em down.”
After the jokes, he simply said: “It’s a world of compromise.”
My soon to be 4 year old ran up, and I was whisked away to rescue his Lightning McQueen racecar from under a table, but when I returned, Dad talked about family.
“When I was younger, I was kind of aloof. Your Mom has really shown me the importance of celebrations and family.” We then talked about his childhood and father. For much of Dad’s life, his father was not around. But, after Mom and Dad were married, Vincent, my grandfather I never knew, visited my parents and they began a new relationship with one another. When Dad was 31, Vincent died. Dad said he still felt robbed of that relationship. “I see you and your son, and am very proud of you. The type of relationship you have with him.”
One Little Window of Time Doesn’t Tell the Whole Story
As I think about it, I am struck by the fact that I was only part of their marriage for 18 years. From the time I was born, til I went away to college. I wasn’t there for the first 6, and I haven’t been there for the past 16.
My little window of time looking into their marriage was less than half of the years that they have been married. Even my sister and I have different perspectives on their relationship – I was raised in the Midwest, but during her middle school years, they moved to Arizona. So her take on “life with Mom and Dad” is much different than mine.
I don’t believe anyone has a perfect relationship. But I do know that 40 years is unusual for marriages in our generation.
Best Friends. Building Trust. It takes work and compromise. Enjoying and Celebrating moments with Family.
I think Mom and Dad might just be on to something.
Stu & Lisa have been married 8 years (together 11) and have a heart to encourage couples in their marriages. They live in Middle Tennessee, have an awesome 6 year old, and a mutt named 'Boo'.
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We’re nearing 17 years of marriage and this post was a great reminder of the important things that keep us together — the only thing you left out was hard work and committment. Here’s to the next 23 years !
Congrats to you Marvin!! That rocks.
I am with you on hard work and commitment. Thanks so much for taking the time to comment!!
Here’s to 23 more!!!
We’re nearing 17 years of marriage and this post was a great reminder of the important things that keep us together — the only thing you left out was hard work and committment. Here’s to the next 23 years !
Congrats to you Marvin!! That rocks.
I am with you on hard work and commitment. Thanks so much for taking the time to comment!!
Here’s to 23 more!!!
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