If you want to have a better marriage, you need to stop reading marriage blogs, or marriage books, or getting marriage advice. Let me tell you why.
Reading the Bible
I’ve read the Bible cover to cover. And sections of it hundreds of times. But my life isn’t completely changed. I don’t have it all down pat. Everytime I think about the Bible as a whole, I realize how much I don’t know, how much I have yet to apply and how far away I am from the goal of being like Christ.
I get stuck and overwhelmed and want to quit. Sometimes I want to give up the whole thing and toss in the towel. But, I know I can’t do that.
You may have heard it said ‘Don’t just get through the Bible; let the Bible get through you!’ The way to get the Bible through me (and You) is to focus on it a little bit at a time, and work on one piece at a time.
It’s the same with when you take in lots of marriage advice.
Stop Reading, Start Applying
I’ve heard people say ” I have read all the marriage books out there, I have read all the marriage blogs, and NOTHING has changed in my marriage.”
My response is: Did you do anything more than read, and nod your head in agreement?
Here’s a shocker: Nothing that any of us who encourage couples write, or say, will change your marriage.
There. I said it. Nothing we say on our online marriage shows, or in our marriage retreats or online communities or courses will change your marriage.
Only you can change your marriage.
The way to do it? Stop reading and taking in so much (much of it VERY similar), and act on what you know.
I’m not saying that you can’t learn something new. But if you aren’t DOING ANYTHING with what you are reading? Nothing is going to change.
When You are Done With Marriage Advice
If you are in that group of people who has read every book, and every marriage blog, but nothing has changed in your marriage here are 3 things you need to DO:
1. Pray Hard. Only God can make water spring from a rock. You can hit that thing til you are blue in the face, but if God isn’t in it, nothing is going to happen. Get on your knees –Together and individually– and pray for God to change you first, and then change your marriage. Do you believe God is big enough to change you and your marriage?
2. Stop Reading. Our online world is addictive. We fill our heads with information or pictures or podcasts or games or news or…whatever. And to be honest, I enjoy it. But, if you have read all that is out there…Stop reading for awhile. Take a break to think about what you have read that could help your marriage and then…
3. Do Something. Pick One Piece of advice for your marriage. Do that one thing in your marriage for 30 days, or 60, or 90. See what happens. I don’t care if you read it here, or if it was in a book, or someone else’s community. DO IT and see what happens. Act on what you have read and learn from what you and your spouse experience over that season. Then, come back and pick another thing to do.
Over time, your marriage WILL change.
What ONE THING are you going to act on TODAY that can help your marriage?
Stu & Lisa have been married 8 years (together 11) and have a heart to encourage couples in their marriages. They live in Middle Tennessee, have an awesome 6 year old, and a mutt named 'Boo'.
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This is a very timely blog post. Sometimes I get my mind so full of stuff and suggestions that I get overwhelmed and don’t act. It is in the doing that we receive the be-ing.
Glad it could be helpful for you Mark! Best to you in your marriage!!
Very well said Stu! It doesn’t make any sense to seek out advice/help and then never apply it. I liked your advice to try something (one thing!) for 30, 60, 90 days. Trying something once and then saying it doesn’t work doesn’t make sense. Keep up the good work!
Thanks Mike!!
Great advice! ( is to stop looking for more advice)
Love it. At some point the advice is useless if not a hinderance because
pursuing more of it keeps you from true ACTION.
What a thought provoking post! I agree, there is so much information out there and many of the same basic marriage saving and transformation strategies are simply repeated or re-invented, again and again.
And yes, in my experience the most effective of the available marital therapy and communication strategies are usually just poor approximations to Biblical wisdom.
Yes, for those in the know, less reading and more doing!
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