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Welcome to this episode of the Stupendous Marriage Show!
On This Podcast:
Make Marriage Fun says that What we fight about isn’t what we really are fighting about! (on twitter and website)
Argue Nekkid (as Lisa Says) and 44 other Things that Make a Happy Marriage
Why I Should Initiate Sex with My Wife
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Stu & Lisa have been married 8 years (together 11) and have a heart to encourage couples in their marriages. They live in Middle Tennessee, have an awesome 6 year old, and a mutt named 'Boo'.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
If I’m to be able to love my wife as I should I am the only one who initiates. She is too inhibited. I’ve tried to get us into a counselor but she likes the “pretend” face that we put on for the crowd. I feel as if I didn’t know the financial business I’d be out like the trash!
Yeah, I use to initiate and my wife would literally push me away with her hands. She would act like she was teasing and I thought it was playful, until the evil version of her came out saying, “Did you not hear me?! I said no, leave me alone!” Wow, it used to be crazy…up until about our last anniversary (6th year), three months ago, we had sex once in three years, and that led to our second child being born!!! Around our anniversary we had three occasions, but now, it’s back to nothing! I think it’s mostly on my part though, and our emotional connection to each other. I am so insecure now I always feel like she has someone else on the side providing for her. Well insecurity and the fact that she had confessed to me a little over a year ago that she was developing feelings for someone on the Internet…and he was everything I wasn’t!! He had a degree, he was successful, he was genuine, he was black, he was built good physically, knew a lot of VIPs. I am the opposite of all those things. Ohh well, I’ll keep listening and taking Stu and Lisa’s advice though!!!
Becker0109,
Sounds like it’s time to get REAL and GENUINE with your wife. If she is too inhibited to fully express herself sexually with you… it’s going to take 2 things to overcome this.
#1) You need to understand that you wife is CONDITIONED to believe that sex is bad/dirty/for procreation only. She received this conditioning from her mother and other females growing up. Yet there is a contradiction. She LIKES sex, but can’t been seen as someone who WANTS sex because only bad/dirty girls do that. You have to change this viewpoint and show her that this viewpoint has NO place in your marriage.
#2) You have to learn how to CREATE a desire for you from with her. You do this by LEADING her to bigger and better things, INSIDE and OUTSIDE the bedroom. You can learn how to become the type of guy that’s so attractive… even the most inhibited woman will be coming after you.
Get past her conditioning and learn to lead her… and she will be doing ALL of the initiating. Now how would that feel?
I def do not want to push my wifes buttons, but somehow I do, but it is never intentional! It would be awkward arguing naked and really be pissed at your spouse regardless of being naked. I think what you said about you being happy and her being happy and making each other happy has become A problem for us…you guys are so great because you say exactly what I feel!!! I am master of the shoulder and back rub, but my wife is not a rub master! Any how, you guys are great…thanks for all the practicals!