We often talk about the emotional part of our marriages on this blog. Communication, priorities, the way we interact with each other day in and day out. This post is about another part of our marriage that is as important but often overlooked. Lust.
If I am reading correctly, the commandment that Charlton Heston got on the top of the mountain says… “Don’t lust after your neighbor’s wife“. To me, that implies that husbands should be lusting after their own wives.
Rabbi Shmuley Boteach wrote an interesting book called Kosher Adultery: Seduce and Sin With Your Spouse where he argues that the sensual nature leaves many marriages – and that exodus (Ha!) is at least one reason for affairs. He claims that the forbidden nature – the thrill of the chase – the hunt – the secret – is the interesting thing about affairs. Not necessarily the S-E-X. It’s the excitement and “unknowing” of the other person that makes it interesting.
Since men tend to more visual than women, a lot of these thoughts are focused toward the wife. But I do believe that keeping passion – the forbidden – and yes, lust – in your marriage is important for both partners to participate in (and enjoy!).
1.Keep Sex interesting. Move it out of the bedroom sometimes.
2. Don’t let him see you completely naked all the time – it’s almost like we take it for granted – Almost! If you are a bit ‘out of reach’… you give us something to think about, and we’ll stew on it for awhile.
3. When you DO take it all off, make it an art form. There is a reason why strip clubs make silly money. The art of the tease. Guys, this can go for you as well, women pay a lot of money to see the Chippendale’s “take it off”!
4. If you want him, make sure he knows it. Another element from strip clubs: the women give a ‘false’ sense of: “I really like this, I really like you”… and the guys believe “Wow, this woman really likes what she is doing”. It’s all B.S. in that environment – but it can be real in your house.
5. Send private emails to one another. Shmuley tells of a couple where he encouraged the husband to create a false identity and email address to start an online affair with his wife. Behind his own back. That was kinda weird, and I don’t know if I would go that far. But that’s me. You can still send private emails to each other. Make sure your spouse has a private account.
6. Write letters detailing what you like or don’t like. Write letters about your fantasies. Sometimes it’s tough to talk about it. Letters are fun and romantic – and might be less threatening. Writing helps you solidify things in your own mind. If you are writing about what you want to do or have done with your spouse, it builds anticipation when you are waiting for a new letter – and builds excitement for each other.
7. Get out of town. Be tourists somewhere. Get away from day to day life and have fun. No one knows you in a strange place. Go a little wild.
8. Role play. Figure out what would be fun for each other – then do it.
9. Work on your technique. There is no better way to improve than to practice, practice, practice. Find out something your spouse would enjoy, and learn about it. Become a master at it. The Bible says we aren’t here for ourselves – but for each other… it talks about sacrificial love and submitting to our spouse. For both partners!
10. Turn on the lights. If you are always in the dark – turn them on so you can enjoy each other.
11. Turn off the lights. Use the touch, the skin, sounds and feelings to guide the way.
12. Buy new lingerie. Wear it.
13. Be daring. Go to the bathroom and come back and hand him your panties. Grab him under the table.
14. Go commando. Tell him about it.
15. Find an abandoned street and make love in the back seat like teenagers. (Please don’t get arrested!)
16. Tease. Refer to #3.
17. Foreplay. Many men can have very strong orgasms the longer they are “on the edge”. Become a ninja master of bringing him to the brink.
18. Talk. Tell her that she is beautiful, how good her body feels.
19. Touch. Don’t be afraid of scratches, bites, marks. Also, men’s parts are up to that point.
20. Whisper that you want them later when you are in an awkward place. Like the inlaws. Or church.
What do you think about that list? Do you have other ideas to keep him lusting after you?
photo from the Brick Testament