Taking Offense: The Problems It Causes, and How To Get Over It

Not too long ago, I took a business trip to Atlanta. The plan was for it to be a quick two day getaway for the beautiful wife and I, plus do some work while I was there. (5% work, 95% enjoy each other.)

Well, as providence would have it, schedules changed and kid sitters weren’t available like we thought they were going to be. I had to make the trip alone. It was a much shorter trip (I didn’t stay two days, just made it a day trip), and a positive was that we didn’t have to spend a ton of money! (we would have spent more if we stayed the night and hung out in Atlanta together).

Needless to say, I was upset. And I held a grudge against my wife. Our plans changed and I felt I got the short end of the stick. But there wasn’t anything she could have done to change it.

This is something I struggle with in a big way – I get in a funk, and sometimes it takes me hours (and sometimes days) to get out of said ‘funk’.

I allowed myself to become upset, and stay there for more than a week. It caused distance and distress and I just felt out of touch with our relationship. We really didn’t fight during that time, but I knew I was different, and it could have spiraled into greater resentment and bitterness if I didn’t change what was going on.

Do you Struggle with Taking Offense in Your Marriage?

How much time do you spend being upset at your spouse because you didn’t get your way? What would happen if you didn’t allow yourself to go there? What if you stopped and said – ‘Why am I getting mad about this?’

What would have happened if I didn’t allow myself to be offended?

The Bible actually says in 1 Corinthians 13 That love doesn’t insist on its own way. Being selfish isn’t love. Its selfishness.
How much could we love if we wouldn’t insist on our own way – and actually gave a little bit, and didn’t expect the world to revolve around us.

Actions to take

Here are some of the things that I did to help get over this offense.

1. Prayer. I spent time talking to God about why I was upset. It seemed like I couldn’t shake it, so I needed to give it to someone who could handle it!
2. I called some friends who I can trust. I have a handful of guys I can call when things get wonky. I think everyone should have a group they can call to help them sort things out and give godly counsel!
3. I talked with my wife about it. I held it in too long. I needed to talk about it with her quicker than I did – and allowed myself to be upset on the trip and in our communication. It actually took me 10 days before I said anything. That needs to happen faster in the future!
4. I apologized for holding a grudge. Even though we didn’t have any big arguments, there was still clunkiness going on, so I took responsibility for the weirdness. I asked for forgiveness, and acknowledged the fact she couldn’t change the situation even if she wanted to. (Guess what? She acknowledged my feelings and said she was also sorry that I spent time being upset!)
5. I realized what happened, thought about it, and learned from it. Here’s the kicker. Many times situations go by and we just let them go. Then, another situation comes up and the same thing happens again. I suggest to you, that when you come to the other side of a rough spot – you need to take the time to think about what happened and why it happened. Then, think about how to do it differently in the future.

Is this something you struggle with in your marriage? Leave us a comment and let us know!

photo from dreamstime