The One Belief That Could Change Your Marriage

by stugray on 10/29/2011

Silhouette of a Couple Jumping in the Sunset

Stupendous Marriage is a blog geared toward Christian married couples. Since my wife and I are both followers of Jesus, it just makes sense that our blog would sometimes express our faith. This post today is full on about our relationship with Christ – if you don’t have that relationship, we’d love to chat with you!

Let’s Review: We have been talking about beliefs. Beliefs Fuel our Behavior. We act out of what we believe. There are several beliefs that can derail marriages. Here is my first post of 6 beliefs that can hinder your marriage. Here is the latest post with 6 more beliefs.

Today, I want to think about the one big belief that could be hindering your marriage, and a new belief to replace it.

Belief: I’m just a sinner saved by grace

I have always struggled with my identity. I’ve tried to get it from several places: Work, women, food, money, hobbies — to name a few.

But all of those things hold no answer to who I really am at my core.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:The old has gone, the new is here! – 2 Cor. 5:17

No one ever told me I was a new creature in Christ. I was told “Jesus died for your sins, accept him into your heart, and you are saved.” (Probably not word for word, but that is the general message I remember.)

BUT the Bible makes it clear in several places that if I have given myself to Christ – I no longer have to operate in that old sinful nature. I am a new creation. I should operate and believe in the new creation that God has made me.

Yet, since I didn’t realize it, I continued acting like Old Stu. Not New Stu. Old Stu is selfish, prideful, jealous, manipulative, wanting everything my way. New Stu should be different… but I was just a ‘baby’ and because I didn’t realize that I needed to nurture this new creation inside of me, nothing really changed.

This new creation, the Bible says, is adopted into God’s family.

So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, “Abba, Father.” For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children. And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering.

- Romans 8:15-17

I was literally taken out of slavery, and put into a place of inheritance because of what Jesus did. Jesus died for my sins. Sure, I got that. But the part I didn’t get is that he was raised again to life. And that spirit that raised him to life? It’s now inside of me.

My point is this: How can I believe I am a sinner when the Bible says I am something new? I can’t be both, can I? Either I’m a new creature or I’m not. There is no middle ground.

New Belief: I’m a new creation, dead to sin, In Christ

If we identify as a “sinner”, that gives us an excuse to keep on sinning. “Oh I lied to my spouse? Well, what do you expect? I’m just a sinner saved by grace!” (You can insert whatever ‘sin’ you want in there)

But that’s a lie. The truth is, our natures are new, they have changed. The more we believe that we are a new creation in Christ, the more we act out of that new belief and the more we start to grow up in our new identity.

Remember my premise: Beliefs Fuel our Behavior.

If I believe ‘I’m just a sinner, saved by grace’ then its easy for me to say “Oh well, I’m always going to be selfish and want my spouse to meet my needs.”

BUT if I change my belief to: “I’m a new creation in Christ. That selfish stuff is against my new nature. I need to work on it and with God’s help, I can be unselfish with my spouse!” that will change me and my marriage completely.

How do you think this new belief would change your marriage?

In Upcoming posts, I’ll be writing about how this belief could really help us in our marriages!