The Reason Behind Date Night

Lots of marriage experts talk about the need for a “Date Night” with your spouse.

You ‘need to do it’, you ‘should do it’, ‘make time for it’, ‘figure out a way to schedule it’, ‘make it a habit’, ‘a priority’.

I wholeheartedly agree.

But do you know the REASON why you should have a date night with your spouse?

Date Night at dusk

Love Potion #9 In Your Brain

Lets jump back to when you were dating your spouse.

When you fell in love, your hormones went crazy. It was like you took “Love Potion #9”. Literally.

When you fell in love, the hormone mix in your brain did a number on you. It’s powerful stuff.

You couldn’t stop thinking about your new love. Your heart beat faster. You got hot. Your hands began to sweat.

You ignored all of your new squeeze’s not-so-great qualities (its like they were none existent!) You thought they were funny or you thought they were cute. You though they were smart. You smiled and batted your eyes. (swoon!)

Guys, you actually made conversation. You opened doors and you brought roses. You talked about “nothing” with her for hours.

But guess what? That “Love potion” mix ran dry about 11 months into the relationship.

You Lost That Lovin’ “Feeling”

If you stayed in your relationship (and I assume you did, because you wouldn’t be reading a marriage blog if you didnt), you began to notice that your love interest actually had flaws.

They burped and farted. They took 3 hours to get ready before a date. (WHAT? Who is this person!!!??)

What came next was a transition to a more commited love. A deeper love of sorts. Its when you decided to continue on in your loving relationship even though your feelings weren’t always the most loving towards your love interest.

It was more about commitment, than about gushy feelings.

Skip to the End

So, here we are today. You wish you still had all of those gushy feelings, but mainly you just notice the socks on the floor. Or you just wish she wouldn’t nag so much.

There is a way for you to SIMULATE those early feelings in your relationship. And You know what it is.

DATE NIGHT with YOUR SPOUSE

It works, because your brain doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what isn’t real. (Like when you are in a very safe, very cool, very dark movie theatre with hundreds of other people, you still get scared when the bad guy jumps out of the closet).

You can help jump start those hormones again by creating situations where those feelings were present.

Your Brain, for as smart as it is, in this situation, its kinda stupid. It thinks…’Wow, I’m doing lots of lovey things I’m getting warmed up again’…and it starts producing those hormones again. Perhaps not as many, and not as powerful, but repeated use keeps the juices flowin’.

If you know what I mean. 🙂

Thoughts to get you started:

  • Relive your first date.
  • Reminisce about your first year together.
  • Stay in and turn the lights down. (Date Night DOES NOT have to be a MONEY DRAINER)
  • Hug for 30 seconds or more
  • Kiss for 30 seconds or more

The Confusion

When we start out in marriage, we think we should always have “loving feelings”. When we get those feelings, we will act on them with loving actions.

But that’s backwards.

Many times you need to act in loving ways BEFORE you have loving feelings.

Feelings are Fickle. They come and go. If you always wait to act in a loving way – you won’t ever get back to those feelings.

By doing Date Nights, you can train your brain or at least help it keep the spark lit for your spouse!

Does this make sense to you? Talk to us in the comments!

About Stu Gray

Stu is Husband to Lisa and a Dad to the coolest kiddo around. He’s a book lover, writer, Batman Fan, and a speaker into microphones and rooms full of people.
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