I don’t consider myself a bumper rider. I don’t like it when I get tailgated, and have been known to slow down when someone is tailgating me (I don’t hit the brakes. I just ease off the gas. Yes — I know, I found out during traffic school that I shouldn’t do that).
I’m a person who likes to be on time. I’m not a stickler about it, but it is important to me. So, when I leave the house a bit late to get to an appointment, I sometimes nearly always, accelerate right away when the light turns green. I accelerate quickly to make a right turn so I can beat the traffic that is coming from my right.
Our teacher told a story about her experience with delayed acceleration that causes her to use this technique to this day. She was sitting at an intersection at the bottom of a hill, waiting for the light to turn green. When it did, she began to accelerate immediately. From out of nowhere, a car blazed over the hill and nearly t-boned her car. She was quick on the brake though, so the only damage was to the other vehicle. His car had a stripe down its side from where her bumper tore across the door. He claimed that the sun was in his eyes, and he did not see that the light had changed.
Now, she counts to 2 before she hits the gas.
2 seconds.
Enough time to see if any other vehicles are coming through the intersection, and if any other obstacles are in the way. And 2 seconds is not long enough to make anyone lay on their horn. (Unless you are in a super big hurry or are late to an appointment. Ahem)
Point being: Perhaps we should wait to accelerate.
Its tense. The words are getting heated. Tempers flaring.
What if you took 2 seconds to read the room.
What if you took 2 seconds to pay attention to body language.
What if you took 2 seconds to to think about the feelings behind the words.
What if, instead of trying to read their mind, you waited 2 seconds to listen, or let the sentence land before responding?
My friend Debi at the Romantic Vineyard had this same thought inspired by her Drivers Ed teacher:
My Driver’s Ed instructor taught me how to parallel park – something I can STILL do to this day! Amazing, I know!
But he said whenever you’re pulling out of a parallel parking space, you should first “Stop and save your life!” He said this over and over to my 16 year old mind. We mocked him as teenagers are so apt to do, but he drove his point home enough to where I still say it in my head whenever I’m pulling out. I wonder if this wouldn’t work in marriage as well – before pulling ourselves into a steam of conversation – stop, look and listen FIRST. It may just keep everyone involved safe, avoiding an accidental harsh or unkind word.
What do you think?
Stu & Lisa have been married 8 years (together 11) and have a heart to encourage couples in their marriages. They live in Middle Tennessee, have an awesome 6 year old, and a mutt named 'Boo'.
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