When Sex is More Than Sex

I had the privilege of writing a guest post for Julie Sibert at Intimacy in Marriage. She has a great blog -and really believes in encouraging Christian women in their sexual intimacy with their husbands.

I wanted to take some time to write about sex from a guy’s perspective, since lots of her readers are women! So, I offered up something that I thought might be beneficial – and not discussed a whole lot.

For guys – Sex is More than Sex.

It has many meanings – not just the ‘physical act’.

You can read the beginning part of the list at Julie’s Blog, then when you get done, come back and get the rest of the list!

Thanks for visiting from Intimacy in Marriage!

Here’s the rest of the list!!

Sex means bonding – There are many ways that you can bond with your spouse – It happens when you make a memory together, or struggle through a hard time and come out on the other side. But, if your love making is memorable… not just something that you do as a ‘have to’ – it can be a truly bonding experience. Weaving together as husband and wife in the most intimate and wonderful way.

Sex means appreciation – I am thankful that my wife enjoys sex. I appreciate that very much. There are many times that she could be doing other things. (Sleeping, reading, knitting a sweater – I just made that one up). So I am very appreciative that she decides to share herself with me.

Sex means sharing – Rick Warren said it best in the very first line of his book ’40 Days of Purpose’. “It’s Not About Me.” It’s about sharing ourselves with our spouse. About giving our love. How do they like to be loved best? As a man, am I giving that type of love to my wife, so she will share herself with me?

Sex means engagement – Engagement must begin with loving words and loving actions early in the day (mentioned in the beginning of this list in the “joy of pursuit”). I have to be engaged with her life, her mind, her heart… and I have to do it early. Zig Ziglar says that sexual intimacy doesn’t begin when the lights go out, it begins when the lights come on in the morning! I find that if I can engage daily – it is much easier to reconnect physically when the time is right.

Sex means giving pleasure – As a man, there is nothing more I love than this. If a husband is not pleasuring you the way you enjoy – help him. Gently. Encourage him. Give him coaching in what delights you. He wants to please. He likes to be a hero. Help him get there (and get you there) in the bedroom.

Sex means pleasure – Thank you God for the pleasure factor! For many years, I believed that the pleasure part was the most important part. But, as you can see from my list – it has become just one of several great reasons – that all combine into becoming ‘one’ with my spouse.

Guys chime in – is there anything I have missed?

Ladies – Does this open your eyes to what sex might mean for your husband?


1 Comment

  1. My relationship is the opposite. I need sex to bond, he needs emotional relationship and love to open up for sex. He is the gentle nurturer, I am the tough one when it comes to emotions. When it comes to the physical threats he is the one who will protect, solve problems and provide. I think every couple has their own split of emotional intimacy vs physical bonding needs that don’t necessarily coorespond to gender. I think the love language theory used in Christian councelling is a more accurate description of the needs couples can face for both to feel loved in their specific relationship. Identifying the needs of your partner is very effective in making them feel loved.

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