Now that my son is four, we have begun to butt heads more often. There is more attitude, more defiance, more whining and selective listening.
When he bulls up, I bull up. When he lowers his eyebrows to put up a fight, so do I.
Beautiful Wife™ to the Rescue
The one thing my wife says that completely changes my perspective?
“You have control over your feelings and emotions. He’s 4, and he doesn’t understand that yet. You are the Dad. The Adult. You don’t have to fight with him.”
As a Dad, as a husband, as a man, as a human being…I am in control of me and my emotions.
Not only that, I am also in control of my thoughts and my actions. I’m not in control of anyone or anything else.
I have to take personal responsibility for myself. I can’t change anybody else but me.
We really can’t change other people. All we can do is change ourselves.
But if you listen to what Speaker Jim Rohn says: ‘If you change your self, the world will change’ - maybe others will change. Or at least…seem to change…if you work on yourself first!
Changing Requires Responsibility
You, my friend, are responsible for yourself!
Other people do not control you or your thoughts, Your actions or emotions. You do.
We have all heard the phrase – “its not what happens to you, but what you do with what happens to you that matters.”
Its true. It may be trite – but if you take the time to work through it – it makes a huge difference.
You can’t change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change you. You are in charge of that.
That means YOU HAVE TO CHANGE. When you change – when you realize that you AREN’T a victim – and you can actually make the decision to get angry or not – to be happy or not…
Its amazing, but others will seem to change right before your eyes.
Stu & Lisa have been married 8 years (together 11) and have a heart to encourage couples in their marriages. They live in Middle Tennessee, have an awesome 6 year old, and a mutt named 'Boo'.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Stu,
I like what you said about assuming responsibility for oneself. The person we can control is ourselves. We assume responsibility for our thoughts, our emotional reactions and our behaviors. Children have a way of reminding us of that. Yes, we can exercise power and use force, but that only provides temporary fixes to the problems. We need instead to think in terms of ‘relationship’. Each stage of our child’s life is a stepping stone to build the next stage of relationship upon. Using force may get our way, but it does little in terms of building a solid relationship.
Hey Jeffrey -
Thanks so much for the comment. You mention a childs life – and stepping stones. I think as we age, we begin to think we have it all figured out and forget to keep growing – keep stepping, which leads to dullness and complacency, at least, and neglect and separation, at worst. We have to be open to continual growth as humans – and I think marriage is a great place to learn to be a better person!
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