Don’t be afraid to initiate sex with your husband, it could be great for your marriage!
Lisa here… I want to say thanks for reading here at Stupendous Marriage! My Incredible Husband™ has a passion for marriage… our marriage and for encouraging others in theirs!
I read through his posts and often help edit or add a woman’s point of view, but for the first time, I thought I would post something from me!
When My Incredible Husband™ wrote that post, it was from his point of view why he doesn’t initiate sex more. Yet, when I see how many emails and questions he gets from husbands about how to get their wives to initiate sex more, I thought I should post something specifically for wives.
Why Don’t Women Initiate Sex?
As women, why don’t we initiate or want sex more? I know the stereo-typical excuses of “I have a headache”, “I’m tired” or “I have to get up early” and I agree that sometimes these reasons are valid… but maybe there is a bigger issue to think about.
Sex is Not an Obligation, It’s Connection
Sex is not about filling an obligation – “if I give him sex tonight, then I will have a couple days where he is not bugging me”. You may not look at sex that way, but I believe some wives do.
So what is one of the purposes of sex in your marriage?
How about this one: Wanting to physically and emotionally connect with your husband? Or, filling his needs the way you want him to fill your needs? I believe that God gave us sex as a gift, an essential and incredible part of the journey of marriage. Yet, I don’t think I realized how sex is important to my husbands emotional connection to me. It is not just the physical activity he desires, but the emotional connection it can give us through the act of sex.
As women, we tend to feel loved when we are connected through communication – that is why we talk more than men!
Men don’t work like that.
They feel loved when we show them respect and desire to share ourselves with them… not just our minds but also our bodies.
They need us to need them in every area of our lives, not just to share our emotions with them, but to share our beings with them. If your husband loves you, chances are he wants you sexually more times in a day than you can imagine. For every time you think about the stuff you have to do in a day (clean house, feed dog, pick up kids, etc.) he’s probably thinking about sex with you!
Attention is Different for Men
What we can give our husbands is the thing we want them to give us… ATTENTION… it just looks different.
Attention We Need: listening to us share our stories, helping with the kids and house, running errands, being romantic.
Attention He Needs: making him a priority, listening to him, being intimate with him mentally and physically.
How different would our marriages be if we really gave our husbands our physical attention, not out of obligation, but out of a desire to want to have the best marriage we can?
This is one of the many things we can think about when it comes to sex with our husbands. I hope it challenges you to give your husband the attention that he needs!
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photo by Graela