Wives Try This: Initiate Sex With Your Husband

Don’t be afraid to initiate sex with your husband, it could be great for your marriage!

Initiate Sex With Your Husband
Lisa here… I want to say thanks for reading here at Stupendous Marriage! My Incredible Husband™ has a passion for marriage… our marriage and for encouraging others in theirs!

I read through his posts and often help edit or add a woman’s point of view, but for the first time, I thought I would post something from me!

Looking over the stats from our marriage blog, I noticed one post in particular that gains the most interest from readers: 5 Reasons Why I Should Initiate Sex With My Wife.

When My Incredible Husband™ wrote that post, it was from his point of view why he doesn’t initiate sex more. Yet, when I see how many emails and questions he gets from husbands about how to get their wives to initiate sex more, I thought I should post something specifically for wives.

Why Don’t Women Initiate Sex?

As women, why don’t we initiate or want sex more? I know the stereo-typical excuses of “I have a headache”, “I’m tired” or “I have to get up early” and I agree that sometimes these reasons are valid… but maybe there is a bigger issue to think about.

Sex is Not an Obligation, It’s Connection

Sex is not about filling an obligation – “if I give him sex tonight, then I will have a couple days where he is not bugging me”.   You may not look at sex that way, but I believe some wives do.

So what is one of the purposes of sex in your marriage?

How about this one: Wanting to physically and emotionally connect with your husband? Or, filling his needs the way you want him to fill your needs? I believe that God gave us sex as a gift, an essential and incredible part of the journey of marriage. Yet, I don’t think I realized how sex is important to my husbands emotional connection to me. It is not just the physical activity he desires, but the emotional connection it can give us through the act of sex.

As women, we tend to feel loved when we are connected through communication – that is why we talk more than men!

Men don’t work like that.

They feel loved when we show them respect and desire to share ourselves with them… not just our minds but also our bodies.

They need us to need them in every area of our lives, not just to share our emotions with them, but to share our beings with them. If your husband loves you, chances are he wants you sexually more times in a day than you can imagine. For every time you think about the stuff you have to do in a day (clean house, feed dog, pick up kids, etc.) he’s probably thinking about sex with you!

Attention is Different for Men

What we can give our husbands is the thing we want them to give us… ATTENTION… it just looks different.

Attention We Need: listening to us share our stories, helping with the kids and house, running errands, being romantic.

Attention He Needs: making him a priority, listening to him, being intimate with him mentally and physically.

How different would our marriages be if we really gave our husbands our physical attention, not out of obligation, but out of a desire to want to have the best marriage we can?

This is one of the many things we can think about when it comes to sex with our husbands. I hope it challenges you to give your husband the attention that he needs!

Did this post help you or inspire you? Want to pass it along to someone who needs encouragement in their marriage? One of the best ways to share is by retweeting this post, or sharing it on Facebook. Both of those options are below! Thanks!!

photo by Graela


  1. Hi lisa, I truly understand what you say in this post, thank you. My husband has even said this himself in his own words, but how do I bring myself to initiate sex when my emotional tank is so low…? As u said – women need to feel loved & connected to have sex. I want to give my husband the gift of what he needs to feel connected, but am scared/confused about how to do it first when my emotional needs have not get been met. If I said this to my husband he would say, if u initiate sex more then I will meet your emotional needs. It’s a catch 22!

  2. I have been initiating sex now for 2 to 3 weeks everyday. We have 2 kids, 2 jobs and I am in school full time. We are loving it and let me tell ya ladies you will be amazed at how it changes things

  3. I never dreamed of the day I thought of ending my marriage, but here I am… It isn’t what I want, but I’m so desperate for a lover that is attracted to me physically that I’m open to any means. For years I’ve masturbated using my wife’s body; she’s there but she’s just not into me. I’ll do oral on her for 45 min until she cums and I’ll be thinking about the 45 min she’ll spend on me, only to have her say “take me”. If I want oral, she’ll do it but I have to ask, she won’t just take it upon herself to do that. I’m not ugly, not as fit as I used to be but not fat. I earn a good living, clean, dress nice… she just isn’t interested in my physically, she’ll do the minimum sex she needs to do. She’s a wonderful wife and mother, I would never have an affair, I don’t want to hurt her but I’m emotionally starting to move on. I so desperately want someone that wants me, but would I end my marriage, I don’t know… but it IS THAT important.

  4. I admit that I have not initiated sex with my husband in quite some time. I am not really sure of my reasons. I do enjoy sex with my husband very much. If I had to give a reason it would probably be that over the years our verbal communication has seriously broken down. Most of the time I don’t want to have sex unless I am completely relaxed. Our financial status has been a bit stressful lately. Sometimes during sex it seems that I can’t get my mind to relax. I know that my husband needs to feel needed and desired more. He has expressed this to me. I want to give my husband what he needs and I want my marriage to last. We have been married for 7 years. My plan for tonight is to initiate sex with my husband and to do so more consistently. I guess I will use this blog as a way for me to get over the non-initiating sex rut that I am in. I will post my progress.

  5. Initiate sex right! That will never happen in our house. I don’t know if I would know how.
    Husband eats, sleeps in our basement, we’ve been like apartment neighbors like forever. Now hes live in that basement for 46 years, we had sex ,slept together, had a conversation once in all those years. He turned his libido and brain off to sex the day after we were married, and has worked midnights all these years, no vacations, worked any weekend he could and all holidays. Its his work, him, work shop and cars. He has no room for me and never ever will. I only put up with all this because of his benefits, retirement and the fact we have no other money for me to take off. Really its to late to get out, to old to find someone else I think I prefer being alone now, i’ve got my shrink and my anti-depressant drugs.

  6. Hi Lisa, I hear you on stating women should initiate sex, but this may sound stupid but what exactly should I do? I not sure how to approach him, should I just say it, which doesn’t sound romantic. I guess this must how men feel when trying to approach a women for the phone number..lol. I just feel awkward on the first move.

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